Murder and Mayhem in the Conservatory

If I was playing the board game CLUE, I would say "The gardener, in the conservatory, with a knife".

I have this pretty little Kalanchoe (well, little for most Kalanchoe cultivars) that has been pretty for exactly one week of his miserable little life with me. I have fought every disease and bug for exactly a year and I finally had enough. I re-potted him into better draining soil; he got a clay pot; he got some extended fertilizing; then he got liquid fertilize; then he got cut back of diseased foliage; then he got the best spot on the patio for sun and air; then he got sprayed with non-toxic chemicals; then he got sprayed with systemic chemicals (cut off any attempts to flower so as not to kill any beneficials that might want the nectar); then he was happy the rest of the summer.

Then he came inside and I gave him the best spot in the Conservatory, in spite of the wails and moans of the orchid who got the backseat to the sunniest spot. Did he appreciate all this work? NOOOOOOO. I go in there and between one water and the next, he is COVERED in mildew!

I mean on the stems, on 90% of the leaves, it's like, everywhere! I look around, maybe somebody gave him the downy flu? Nope, everybody else is clean. He is alone of the table, no competition, no touching; nothing.

At first I think I will combat this problem with alcohol; maybe that will kill the mildew. Next, I spray it with a baking soda solution. As I am doing this, it hits me; nothing I can do will fix this little demon plant. I could cut it all back again, but I hate to do that in winter as it's a struggle this time of year to have the energy to flush out a new leaf set.

Then I decide it's survival of the fittest and I place his infested little butt onto the front porch.

I can't help it; It's over between us; he is dead to me. I can't take it anymore.

Barely recovered from the drama of kicking one plant out into the cold, I turn around and my bonsai poinsettia is 'alive'. Stupid whiteflies! Granted, there are only a few on it, but in one more week it will be Louisville International Airport for the little buggers. What really gripes me is I really love this little guy. He is soooo cute in his little pot with his green and white leaves. I was so proud of him.

So, I took him outside and sprayed him thoroughly and left him outside. Since it was going to get cold, but not freezing, I thought that would do the job. Well, it did. He did not appreciate the 37-ish temps and curled a few on-fence-anyway leaves, but came through my intervention. I brought him in tonight and put him in the garden water closet (little heat and less light) to acclimate. I tell him; 'What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, love'.

I then eyeball the lemon verbena in the water closet and decide she is not infected and will be allowed to join her plant brethren in the conservatory [I imagine I hear a tiny sigh of relief].

The rose geranium is looking rather thin, so I will plop her up closer to the window and give her spot the verbena. Both of them have a nasty habit of being lousy with whitefly, so they best be clean the next time I water, or I swear I will make tea and pound cake out of them.

On a more positive front, I am currently winning the battle over the scale on the lime tree. Cinnamon oil seems to work wonders and is non-toxic. Also I have not had any leaf scorch, even in summer. I just keep a bottle of alcohol and some cotton balls and de-louse it every couple of weeks.

This plant has me at it's mercy. He KNOWS he will not be given up on and so he torments me, endlessly. He gives me a lime as big as a lemon and then becomes consumed with scale. I clean each leaf, each stem, waiting for a warm day to kick him out and spray him. He bounds back and puts on a heavenly aroma a flowers and the process starts again. I'm an enabler, true, but he gives me citrus in winter and I never have to leave my house for it.

Oh, no, I just realized something.....
I am now my lime trees' garden flunky.